As a child, my friends would call me Teapot because I was short and stout and had always been the chubby one in my classes. The baby fats stayed with me until I entered Junior College and I decided it was time to lose the flab. I started on a rigorous exercise regime and cut down on my calories and the pounds came off soon after. However, I was unable to stop. I was addicted to exercising and my eating habits worsened. Before I knew it, my weight had nosedived to a mere 36kg and I looked scarily underweight. I was a victim of the eating disorder – Anorexia Nervosa.
I knew I had to do something to battle the devil within before it literally eats me up. Instead of seeking medical help and to undergo counseling like most anorexia patients do, I was determined to depend on myself. I taught myself how to bake and in the midst of the process, to discover the art behind cooking and food appreciation. I made sure I had a sufficient and healthy diet by keeping a nutrition diary and was careful not to fall back into the days where I would torture my body into starvation and feed my mind with distorted body images.
Eventually, my hard work paid off and I recovered within a year without the help of medication. It was a tough and long process but my determination and discipline saw me through. I strongly believe that these two particular strengths of mine are the key in the field of research. Discoveries of vaccines and formulation of pharmeceutical drugs did not happen overnight - they are the result of continuous hard work and perserverance, of several tries after multiple failed attempts, of years of research.
Failures are inevitable in scientific research, but when one does not throw in the sack easily, at the end of the day, victory will be his.
Because Science can never be limited by Time, only by Determination and Enthusiasm.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
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Hi Yuan Ru. Oh gosh, I didn’t know what you ever had Anorexia Nervosa! Of course, I am not saying that you are looking plump or anything, just that you have miraculously got out of that scary eating disorder – Good job!
ReplyDeleteBack to the main topic, I like the connection you have in the personal statement. The intimacy of your personal problem and how it can relate to your desired job, it eventually fits perfectly. You have managed to concisely talk about your personal experience in the first two paragraphs. The gradual development of your two strengths comes into the end of the third paragraph quite naturally and it does not sound abrupt. The coherency is perfect! However, I have some suggestions for you.
-Maybe you can take note of the second paragraph whereby you mentioned “…keeping a nutrition diary and was careful not fall back into the days when…” I think you need to put a “to” in between “not” and “fall”.
- I feel that you have the potential of developing something greater in the last paragraph. You touched on how failure is a must in research and victory is for one that does not give up easily. However, I believe that a little more expansion of ideas on both determination and discipline will substantiate your claims. This will allow the reader to buy the story without feeling that you are doing a slipshod job in the last paragraph.
Overall, a good job that has potential to be even better!
Regards,
Ivan
Hi Yuanru!
ReplyDeleteI like how you link your strengths: Discipline and Determination to your experience. (Is it true?!?!) It was coherent to me as a reader! Language used was simple and easy to understand! Also, all your paragraphs have a clear link to one another!
Just 1 grammar mistake to point out! In "I made sure I had a sufficient and healthy diet by keeping a nutrition diary and was careful not fall back into the days", it should be "...careful not TO fall back..." =)
Other than that, good job!
Hello Yuan Ru,
ReplyDeleteI like the way you put a personal touch upon this statement. It was clear how you were developing each paragraph and other than the grammatical error pointed out by Sarah and Ivan, i think it's great.
I feel that the last paragraph was a little abrupt. You could possibly improve it by discussing a little on how scientific research is not without its drawbacks and many failures. With that, you could ease your personal attributes into the last paragraph.
cheers,
aldrich
Hi Yuan Ru,
ReplyDeleteI am also surprised you had anorexia. I really cannot tell you were once plump! But, by giving such a honest and strong example it really does showcase your unique personal traits, which is your determination and discipline.
Your statement also tells me you do not easily depend on others for help preferring instead to solve your problems for help. It tells your reader you are independent too which is a desirable trait.
Your personal statement indeeds make for an engaging read and will encourage interviewers to meet up with you to learn more about you. I like the part you reiterated your unique traits towards the end as it helps to remind the reader and reinforce in his/her mind about your qualities.
Regards,
Ken Jie
I shall not touch on grammatical errors as it has already been mentioned.
Hi Yuan Ru,
ReplyDeleteLike before you have posted another interesting fact about yourself :)
Your last 2 paragraphs definitely helped to 'sell' yourself really well. It shows that you understand the process behind all scientific success stories. The big heart to accept failure and perservere on, are going to be plus points for you to get the dream job.
Personally, I felt that the unique characteristic of yours wasn't explicitly stated in the first 2 paragraphs. I had to check the heading again to make sure i wasn't reading your personal post :p I guess it is because of your cheerful nature(and writing style) that made it seem like i'm hearing the story directly from you. It does make the reader feel closer to you and therefore be able to relate well to what you want to tell.
I really admire your determination to lost weight during your JC period. I'm sure there are many people out there with severe obesity problems, yet they are not trying as hard to rectify the issue. I'm just one good example! It makes the essay persuasive on how unique you are!
Hi Yuan Ru,
ReplyDeleteI like your personal statement, especially the use of your dietary experience. It really makes me (and I'm sure the assesor as well) admire your self-discipline and determination in being able to acknowledge that you had a problem and being able to overcome the odds on your own, when many others would have failed. Kudos!
Going a bit off topic here, but I think that this experience is a good story to share with so many other girls suffering from eating disorders; it is inspiring and will help motivate them in their struggle to overcome their problems.
I also like your closing line as well as it is a reflective philosophy which makes for a great closing to the statement. However, I have to agree with Ivan and Aldrich that you could elaborate more on the last paragraph. Nevertheless, you could still close with the aforementioned sentence as it leaves the reader with a reflective attitude.
Great work! I'll be sure to drop by more often to read your posts :)
Cheers,
-Abigail-
Dear Yuan Ru,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this "confessional" personal statement. Not only are you a professional quality actress, you're also a willful prize fighter, one who has overcome an amazing challenge and knocked out a serious demon.
I'm really happy that you are now able to look back and see how far you have come and what you've accomplished. You're an amazing young lady! Bravo!
Your supportive blogging group members have given very fitting feedback. I'd like to see this statement after you've cleaned up the language and made the recommended content adjustments.
Thanks again!
Hi everyone! Thanks so much for the comments (:
ReplyDeleteActually I had doubts about using this experience in my Personal Statement as I felt it was a little... too personal? What do you guys think?
And in response to what KenJie pointed out, he mentioned that this experience shows that I do not depend on others for help and that independence is a desirable trait. However I was afraid it would come across as a little too strong-headed? ): Will the reader get a wrong idea and think that I may not be a good teamplayer??
Sorry I get pretty critical of my own writings!! Haha.
And yup, thanks Ivan and Sarah! I've corrected the grammatical error (:
As for the ending, actually I was worried about the word count (Brad said 250!) Shall develop on the closing!
Do keep the comments coming in for the revised Personal Statement! Love you people! (:
Hi Yuan Ru,
ReplyDeleteI have great respect for your willpower and determination. It is a very convincing personal statement.
Don't worry about appearing strong-headed. Being a team player is not about depending upon others for help. One can be independent yet supportive of others, thus bringing out the best in a team.
On to my nitpicking, I would like to point out that you have mixed up the tenses in this particular section, "...drugs did not happen overnight - they are..."
did -> were
do -> are
I hope my laconic explanation makes sense.
Also, that same sentence is unwieldy, especially at the end when you mention all the "continuous hard work and perserverance" (by the way, you spelt "perseverance" wrongly) "several tries after multiple failed attempts" and "years of research".
Ending the sentence after "continuous hard work and perseverance" would have captured the essence of your message. The rest are just additional flavourings in my opinion. Therefore, your statement could be more concise. But then again, one man's meat is another man's poison.
I shall stop here, and leave others with something else to comment on. Assuming of course that there is anyone else who is as late in commenting as I am. m(_ _)m
Cheers!